Who is Jess Patrick?

2006-10-17T14:51:00.000-04:00

The Trouble with Science Fiction

A few months back, Robert Sawyer was elated to see his novel accepted by Analog and at the same dismayed to notice that that magazine had cut back on its newsstand distribution. In the comments to Sawyer's post, you will notice the declining sales of the Big Three science fiction magazines.

What's going on here? Far be it from me to give an erudite answer to that question, but as a consumer of science fiction, I'll say this. I have been disappointed time and again by the material I see in these magazines. Truth be known, I often prefer to read the nonfiction.

Eight out of ten stories seem like they are trying too hard to be something they aren't. The ones I do like don't seem to get nominated for awards. So here's the bottom line. The editors of these magazines are out of touch with what I like. Surely I am not alone.

And to read some of their forewards, interviews, and other writings, I really do feel alienated. I feel like I'm being told something like "We know what's best for you, and that's what you are going to get."

Then look at this. Just for kicks, go to the SFWA web site and go through the members. Take a look at who isn't there. Michael Crichton? Neil Gaiman? Stephen King? Where are you? I don't see you.

The trouble with science fiction is that nobody's reading it. At least not SFWA style.

2006-09-30T22:49:00.000-04:00

Who am I Reading About?

This happens more often than it should. I'll read a short story that's supposed to portray some kind of romantic episode, but I'm left wanting.

Why?

I'll tell you why. The author didn't bother to name her characters. That's right, I endured dialog and action following a pair of pronouns through some scene.

Writers, please, please, please do not do this to your readers. Name your characters, and make them real. Names help to evoke a connection between readers and your characters. Pronouns are just specimens, regarded with aloofness that says: "I'll quit any sentence now, thank you."

I know why you writers make stories with pronouns. I really do. You'd rather not put in the effort it takes to develop your characters. That kind of thought is painful and sometimes self-revealing.

You'd rather not put in that effort, so you write me a story about a couple of pronouns. Let me tell you something. If you can't name your characters and develop them enough to make them real, then you have a couple of options.

One is to quit writing. I don't recommend that.

Another option is write plot-driven stories. Believe me, that's no escape. Even characters in plot-driven stories need names and some development.

There are probably other options, but hey, face it. If you are writing stories about pronouns, think about what you are doing. Give your reader something interesting to read, okay?

2006-09-14T14:11:00.000-04:00

A Handy Little Writing Tip: Be Wary of "The"

Practically anyone with editing experience will tell you that one particular noun signal is misused quite often. Of course I am talking about this word: "The".

"A", "an", and "the" are noun signals which have varying degrees of specificity. So often, I see a writer use "the" when he or she should have used "a". Here's an example.

Jack picked up the pencil.

Standing alone, "a" could replace "the" in this sentence, and it might be more accurate. Context, however, may dictate otherwise. If Jack's pencil was mentioned earlier, the example might be correct. This leads to another misuse of our noun signal.

Susan filed the fingernail.

While grammatically correct, the sentence might be more accurate if we replace "the" with "her". Don't use a noun signal if you can use a possessive pronoun instead. As before, context should guide the decision.

Sometimes our nasty little noun signal is used unnecessarily. Look at this example:

The fireworks filled the sky.

We don't need that first instance of "the".

So, if you write, take some of your work and do a search for occurrences of "the". About 30% of the time, you can eliminate the word or change it to something more accurate.

2006-06-29T22:15:00.000-04:00

Real English Lessons

Just a quick note here. If this post vanishes, it means I submitted something substantially similar to it somewhere. Enjoy it while you can!

2006-05-30T08:57:00.000-04:00

A Romantic Dilemma

A while ago, I figured out that I needed romance in my reading diet. Don't make me explain. The answer would be arcane and dull. Can you see the problem here? I'm a guy. How am I going to get my hands on contemporary commercial romance without raising a few eyebrows?

Let me tell you what happened a few weeks ago. I went to Borders looking for a specific paranormal title. The book, a 2006 Tor release, could have been shelved in either Science Fiction or Romance or both. Not finding the book in Science Fiction, I headed for the Romance aisle.

The aisle wasn't empty. It was full of women, and what if one of them saw me looking at romance books? What if someone recognized me? Thank you for understanding my problem. I hovered between Science Fiction and Romance aisles, hoping that Romance would clear. It didn't.

"Sir, can I help you?"

An attendant had seen me. Great, I'm busted. I replied, "Uh, yes. I'm looking for a science fiction book."

"Oh, I can look it up for you," she said, heading for a computer terminal. "Do you know the title or author?"

"Uh, yes. It's The Ultimatum by Susan Kearney."

She tapped a few keys and pursed her lips. "Oh. It's in Romance." Her expression had that I want you to know I know look that you might see from a pharmacist.

I left the store with the book, feeling a little indecent. Yes, that's how it feels when a stranger learns one of my secrets.

Since then, I've figured out how to acquire contemporary romance titles undiscovered. My favorite method is to go to Wal-Mart at about 6:30 AM. The store is practically empty, and there's nobody in the book section. I get the titles I want, and then I slink over to the U-scan and pay in cash. There will come a time when Wal-Mart won't have something I want. What am I going to do then?

Also posted on Xanga.

2006-05-19T15:56:00.000-04:00

Premises Premises

A story's premise is its foundation. There are many types of premises, far too many to cover here, but look at a few examples.

On the darker side of fiction, I like this one: What happens when evil clashes with greater evil? That question by itself is too general. To get a premise for a story, add some specifics and then all kinds of interesting plot possibilities will appear. We might have a drug dealer meet a serial killer or we might see a thief try to steal from the Devil.

Here's another one. Are things what they seem? I prefer to vote no. That way I've got the element of surprise. Thus, the abusive drill sergeant is a grackle on the lawn with her hatchlings. Or, perhaps, the fireflies in the tree canopies are fairies. Or, the dog you just took in is really a werewoman (see the June issue of FSF).

The best science fiction comes from strange premises. What if the fire department's purpose was to start fires? (Read Fahrenheit451.) What if mature women from planet X would die without regular sex? (Read the Ultimatum.) Or we could get in to the hard stuff, and turn science on its head. What kind of creatures would we get if we eliminated one the nitrogen bases, say cytosine, from DNA? What if we added a new base?

Next time you read fiction, ask yourself this: What was the story's premise? If you can't answer that question, I bet you didn't like the story.

2006-04-30T10:32:00.000-04:00

Show Us, Don’t Tell Us:
Put Your Instructions Where I Can See Them!

Our critique groups tell us: show, don’t tell. See the irony? Don’t look too far. I’ll give you another example. Books on writing advise us: "Show, don't tell".

I could go on, but I want to point out the biggest irony of all. If you look at the submission guidelines of practically any publication, you will find a treatise of all tell and no show. That’s right. The people who ask us to “show, don’t tell” are the worst tellers of all, sometimes with confusing and even contradictory directions.

Submission guidelines need not look like the assembly instructions for a reverse turbo-encabulator or the troubleshooting guide for the disgronification circuitry in an astral transmitter. Editors and publishers, why don’t you just SHOW us what the submission you want looks like? Check your work, and see if your example is consistent with the list of instructions. What’s so hard about it?

With this, I’ll close by showing what a submission for Flash Me magazine, an on-line publication, should look like.

Subject: Submission: “Synergetic Paradigm Dichotomy”

Dear Editors,

Please consider Synergetic Paradigm Dichotomy for your next issue. The story is pasted in plain text format into the body of this email. Please let me know immediately if you have any trouble reading the text.

This story is best regarded as hard science fiction, and perhaps it could be viewed as “math opera”.

Best regards,

Steve J (writing as Jess Patrick)

About me:

When Jess Patrick isn’t tearing the wings off flies or frying ants with a magnifying glass, he might be feeding his spiders. Otherwise, he’s probably writing some kind of fiction. His work has been featured in Exo-Skeleton magazine, Cockroach Review, and may others. Jess Patrick's most recent story is “Antsmoke”, published in the January Issue of Chitin VaporTrails.

Synergetic Paradigm Dichotomy

If Horton heard a who, then how was he to know what he was looking at? The preamble to his textbook for Dark Energy 333 was a mystery:

Synergetic Paradigm Dichotomy
Automatic Math Castrophe
All Set About with Fever Trees

Ex Square. Why Square? Aitch two ess oh four. All this and a whole lot more, but not more than 1,000 words, because that’s in the guidelines, and then finally all the way to this.

The End

Boot Camp

2006-03-16T18:05:00.000-05:00

Sometimes we can say a lot with just a few words. Sometimes things aren't what they seem. And what is voice? All I can say is this. Voice isn't just choice of words. It's a writer's way of showing how he or she sees the world.

Boot Camp

By Jess Patrick

For millions of juveniles, Basic Training begins in summer. One morning in June, a group convened for their briefing. The drill sergeant...

Sergeant Grackle will make her appearance somewhere, some time in the future.

Previously published at BeWrite.net

Fresh Hearts of Granite

2006-02-10T21:29:00.000-05:00

This story is now live on Wild Child Publishing's monthly magazine. For me, it's a bit out-of-genre, but I may write more romance in the future. Time will tell. Enjoy!

The Real Drag

2006-01-20T18:00:00.000-05:00

The Real Drag

By Jess Patrick

"Carol, why does it take you so long to get dressed for work?" I was naive. She answered my question with a question and soon I was in trouble.

"George, do you know what women have to do to be dressed properly?"

First published on Saucyvox.com March, 2005

Sorry. Taken this one down to place it elsewhere... You'll hear it about where and when whenever.

Let's Get Acquainted

2006-01-05T12:52:00.000-05:00

My name is Steve, but I write under the pseudonym Jess Patrick. I will answer to either name. Why do I use a pseudonym? I'll tell you why. I have published a few scientific works, mostly at symposia under my real name. There is also another individual whose name is identical to mine. He has published a few articles relating to human resources management.

So here it is. I don't want my fiction to be confused with anything scientific I've done. Also, I don't want to be confused with anyone else who goes by my real name. It's ironic, isn't it? I use a fake name to preserve my individuality!

While we are on the topic of pseudonyms, let me share a current dilemma. I'm presently working on a story that is clearly going to be in the romance genre. This is quite out of character, given the pieces I've published as Jess Patrick. Should I use a new pseudonym for romance stories?

* * *
On a completely different topic, let's talk about plans for this weblog. As the tagline suggests, the content here will seldom be about "what I did today". Over the next several weeks, I'll post a few pieces that I've published elsewhere. From there, the mission may evolve. We'll see.

Coming soon: A mix of creative nonfiction and short stories. We will start out with adventures in the animal world with titles such as "The Antmaster" and "Boot Camp".