A Romantic Dilemma A while ago, I figured out that I needed romance in my reading diet. Don't make me explain. The answer would be arcane and dull. Can you see the problem here? I'm a guy. How am I going to get my hands on contemporary commercial romance without raising a few eyebrows? Let me tell you what happened a few weeks ago. I went to Borders looking for a specific paranormal title. The book, a 2006 Tor release, could have been shelved in either Science Fiction or Romance or both. Not finding the book in Science Fiction, I headed for the Romance aisle. The aisle wasn't empty. It was full of women, and what if one of them saw me looking at romance books? What if someone recognized me? Thank you for understanding my problem. I hovered between Science Fiction and Romance aisles, hoping that Romance would clear. It didn't. "Sir, can I help you?" An attendant had seen me. Great, I'm busted. I replied, "Uh, yes. I'm looking for a science fiction book." "Oh, I can look it up for you," she said, heading for a computer terminal. "Do you know the title or author?" "Uh, yes. It's The Ultimatum by Susan Kearney." She tapped a few keys and pursed her lips. "Oh. It's in Romance." Her expression had that I want you to know I know look that you might see from a pharmacist. I left the store with the book, feeling a little indecent. Yes, that's how it feels when a stranger learns one of my secrets. Since then, I've figured out how to acquire contemporary romance titles undiscovered. My favorite method is to go to Wal-Mart at about 6:30 AM. The store is practically empty, and there's nobody in the book section. I get the titles I want, and then I slink over to the U-scan and pay in cash. There will come a time when Wal-Mart won't have something I want. What am I going to do then?

Also posted on Xanga.

Premises Premises

A story's premise is its foundation. There are many types of premises, far too many to cover here, but look at a few examples.

On the darker side of fiction, I like this one: What happens when evil clashes with greater evil? That question by itself is too general. To get a premise for a story, add some specifics and then all kinds of interesting plot possibilities will appear. We might have a drug dealer meet a serial killer or we might see a thief try to steal from the Devil.

Here's another one. Are things what they seem? I prefer to vote no. That way I've got the element of surprise. Thus, the abusive drill sergeant is a grackle on the lawn with her hatchlings. Or, perhaps, the fireflies in the tree canopies are fairies. Or, the dog you just took in is really a werewoman (see the June issue of FSF).

The best science fiction comes from strange premises. What if the fire department's purpose was to start fires? (Read Fahrenheit451.) What if mature women from planet X would die without regular sex? (Read the Ultimatum.) Or we could get in to the hard stuff, and turn science on its head. What kind of creatures would we get if we eliminated one the nitrogen bases, say cytosine, from DNA? What if we added a new base?

Next time you read fiction, ask yourself this: What was the story's premise? If you can't answer that question, I bet you didn't like the story.